Life has it's ways.

First off!...

I have had some roller coaster feelings lately. Ever since I got laid off,  I have been very down and depressed. Every thing right after each other was falling apart. Money has been really tight, and we were late on rent for March.. and will be for April. Without a job, I feel really useless and just a bother and crap. So this leads to me becoming depress and putting myself down. So off and on I will sink, but submerge here and there.

The worst part is, I rather work a part-time job because I want to do school. I am tired of having to keep putting it off. I feel like I am just worthless even more. I am 20 years old, barely have college education cause life likes to go insane. I want to achieve something. I want to be an amazing writer. :/ I want to be worthwhile.

Another affect of being laid off is me being home all the time, while unhealthy cause I lack complete motivation to work out... (Which is why I enrolled into a PE class this quarter to force myself...) I just get really low and see no point. I try to think positive, but it's hard. Though - on the same note. I barely ate at work, and doing the same here at home. Sometimes forgetting meals while I job hunt or play same Minecraft. Now to add some working out in that = we'll be golden.

So. I overcame something a few days ago that had me causing myself even more depression. I feel very relieved and that I can now open up even more and express my feelings a whole lot better. A brand new connection has opened up.


I am going to strive for change. Change within myself, my environment, and everything else that needs it. It's high time I get everything back together, get my life back on the track it was going. Just tired of being tired and need to muscle up and bring my strength back within me, my confidence. I am like the manly version of a guy who feels like he needs to provide, or he's useless. I have always provided for people and once the tables turn, I feel like a pile of bricks in the way.

I think the picture has been drawn...