My Whole Life.

Throughout my whole life, I have suffered, and continue to suffer. I don't think it will ever stop.From birth. I had horrid parents, who liked to abuse me an all three types - Physical, Mental, Emotional. As life continued, I underwent abuse until 6 years of age. I developed many fears, irrational thoughts and even a medical condition that furthered to ruin my life. At 6, I was able to move in with my grandparents - a overly messed up child. They worked hard, trying to help the damage already done to me. What DIDN'T help was the ungrateful piece of shit town called South Bend in the dreaded depths of Washington. Where children has formed cliques at early grades. I was the most made fun of, disliked child up until I left that shit-hole. Throughout elementary, I was called horrid names due to a medical condition no one understood. I had fears, phobia's, and bad self-image. The ridcule didn't help at all. I was so alone at heart, my 'friends' weren't really MY friends. They would hang with me, use me, and whenever the 'popular' kids would ask why are they with me - simple - "My mom makes me." Until 6th grade when I made some real friends. ish.

At 7th grade, I went into foster care. I was skinny until that year. They force fed me, the school force fed me. I gained over 50-70 pounds. I weighed over 150 pounds by then. That whole year was crap. I lived with one foster family for a while, then went to another. Where they didn't force feed me. But it wasn't my grandparents. 

A year later, I finally was able to go back  home to my Grandparents. I was still disliked and still called - to a point - bad names. School was the worse place to be, I played sick just not to go. I couldn't take it. I tried staying strong but it had already caused an emotional scar. 

When I finally met someone who just moved to town in 10th grade, my life changed somewhat. They were a nice family, 'cept their mother. Horrible mother she continues to be to this day. I met my new friends, hung out all the time. Finally got with her brother who is my fiance to this date - started dating in 2009. Almost at our 3 year mark. But. To this day. I still have emotional issues.I have always had these:

- Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.

- Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society

- Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.

- Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.

- Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.

- Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone.

- Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.

- Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.

- Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things

I got diagnoised with Pre-Diabetes two years ago. Almost gone now thankfully.

And now? Now I found out I have PCOD. This is just great and dandy. It comes with so many horrible things. What have I ever done to DESERVE any of this? My past? My present? Now my future of having kids? Why me? And for those "Well God has a plan for everyone" Well, I'd like to know mine. I am 19. My adulthood has started and I would like to get things in order not keep getting horrible things.