Saturday's ordeal.

It's been a while since I have last blogged. Lately, life gets so busy or chaotic it's hard to actually write one of these out. Due to recent events a few nights ago, I am writing about it because it's what helps me deal and cope with things in life that oddly love to happen to me.

The first portion of my Saturday night was great. We all met up at Big Al's, but it was way too crowded and it'd take forever for us to get a lane or use the arcade. We headed up to Sunset Lanes and was able to get in after a 45 minute wait. The only drink that I ever had that night was a Portland Peppermint something, it was hot chocolate with some alcohol. A light drink that I didn't even finish. We played a bowling game, I had a few people show up, which was great and all, some who I have not seen in a very long time. It was small, but I expected as much either way. We were going to head out and get ready for the 21+ portion of the party but decided we wanted to play another game. By this time - it was 9:15pm. We had to make a quick stop at Ross to get nice shirts cause I absolutely couldn't find any of my nice stuff. I found this perfect shirt and got a pair of black jeggings. (I typically hate them, but I said what the heck and tried them out) bad idea number 1. The shirt was long enough that it did go pass my butt.

After Ross, I had to pick up gas and head home to get ready. It was already 9:50pm and I was getting dressed fast, threw on some eye shadow and mascara, and did my hair. The bus we were going to take had already left the place and we only had 1 more bus left that we could have taken. But at that moment, I come to find out our limo has been canceled. This was when bad idea number 2 came into play. I was about to give up on everything, cause this is what normally happens every year on my birthday, but I didn't want to disappoint my friends and stuff who already came over, got ready, and wanted to go. It was already 11pm. I called the cab because my friend was still on the phone with the limo people trying to give us our limo. (She was in another city, not with us). Our Taxi driver was an insane driver at that. It cost 40 bucks just from Beaverton to downtown Portland. It sucked big time because my account was already low on money because 3 things decided to pull out way later then planned. I thought I still had $160 in the bank. I paid with cash the first time. I still had $39 bucks in my bank.

The streets were blocked off because something was going on downtown. All the clubs and bars had long lines execpt for our club, which was CC Slaughters. It is a Portland gay club. (Mainly for gay men.) It had no cover, too. I waited outside for 20 minutes for the friend who was on her way, but nothing. I texted, I called, and no answer or anything so we decided to go in cause I had gotten a cold standing there. We made our way to the dance floor and it started out okay. I mean, I don't get into crazy dancing right away, I start slowing moving to the beat but it's simple cause I can't dance or I get too self conscious to dance retardedly. We didn't buy drinks like we planned on to, simply because we had no money to. I am glad we didn't because it got crazy. So Michelle and I were dancing together like you normally do with a friend at a club, girls dancing etc when some guy came up behind her. I was like happy that no one had came up behind me because no one dances with a beached whale. WELL I was wrong. James and Nathan were bouncing up and down cause they don't know how to dance either and by this time were 3-4 feet away. Michelle and I were still close together and I figured I wouldn't get sandwiched. Nerp. Wrong.

A guy came up from behind like a shark. It was awkward as heck. I thought it was simply someone passing by cause you're getting pushed, elbowed, rubbed against by everyone who passes by. I was getting consumed into the crowd like quicksand because of this, and I wanted to get away from the lady elbowing me repeatedly. I am not going to fully go into detail cause it's still disturbing me. But the guy pretty much latched on as soon as he got behind me. I still moved with the music, figuring out how to evade this situation without making it more awkward, but still be able to just dance with Michelle. The guy wouldn't let me move because of his grip on my waist. Every time I would try to move over, he would firmly hold me back.I started to panic, but didn't show it cause I didn't want to create a scene or ruin anyone's nights. Michelle was having fun, dancing to the music, and I didn't want to interrupt her or pull her away. I wanted to stay close just in case cause of the crazy guy near her, too. The guy behind me started to rub all over me, pressing himself roughly against me with his tiny ass penis rubbing against my ass. I again tried pulling away but was unsuccessful because I was pressed right up against Michelle at this point with my arms on her shoulder. I looked over at James and Nathan, yelling "help me" but the music was WAY to loud to hear anything. I could barely hear myself over it. All voices sounded muffled. The guy pressed into me again, whispering in my ear "Happy 21st Birthday sweetie". He continued to say crap but I began to panic again because, how the hell did he know? I remember talking out loud about it outside, so it makes me wonder if he overheard or was being stalkerish. -- It was the moment the guy tried reaching into my jeggings that I completely removed myself from him. Thankfully, at that moment, everyone started to bounce up and down to the bass dropping. I bounced over to Nathan/James. We all left the club because it was getting too hot and I needed to escape from there before anything else could happen.

Once outside, we stood there. I was already shaking from what happened, but kept it somewhat to myself of what fully happened. Once again, thinking of others first before myself. A group of drunk guys, some were possibly gay or bi, couldn't fully tell, but they were hammered. It made me even more jumpy and nervous because of how they approached us, well really Michelle. I had a strange feeling about them and just wanted to leave the situation and get away from the club. We were only there for 20 minutes. I pulled all of us away from the situation saying "oh we have to go, blah blah blah". The might have been harmless, sure, but you never know in that area of Portland. We then walked 10 blocks to a bar that Michelle had been to before. Having no money, of course, prevented us from getting drinks and I had already wanted to go home. I decided to go out and call for a taxi. They said it would be a 2 hour wait... well I didn't want to wait. I had Nathan flag down a taxi and I broke down crying to the taxi guy that I wanted to go home and it was all the way in Beaverton and we needed  a ride and he let us in. I didn't want anyone seeing me panic/crying at all so I sent Nathan to get James/Michelle out for the taxi.

It was a long ride home. I wanted to let all my emotions out and everything, but I kept everything in. It took the rest of my money in the bank to get us home. I couldn't believe everything that happened and how fast it fell apart. I was extremely upset/disappointed/hurt/and just ready to implode. It was an experience that I will never forget. I have NEVER really been one for the party scene. I never went out in high school to parties. Mainly because they were all getting drunk and stuff. I had a close friend at the time get assaulted at a high school party, twice. It was nothing I wanted involved in with my already horrible past I had. I went to two other clubs at 18+ to try them out. I like to dance, just not publicly. I fully know now why I never went to clubs in the first place because of all the man-handling and the stupidly drunk people. This is just another thing that'll make me stronger, nothing I haven't survived before.

Thanks for the support guys <3